Awaking after a 6 hour nap in the afternoon:

Fee Fi Fo Fum! I am Such A hungry bum.

Once upon a time, on a toilet wall far far away…

[In flustered, scrawly white-out]
I lost my Society and Finance Textbook today in this cubicle

If anyone has found it please give me a call at
04********

[In slanting white out]
I lost my virginity in this toilet today, if anyone has found it please call me at 04********

[In Marker, Red]
I found your virginity but it told me it had been lost for years. Do you still want it back?

[In ballpoint pen (Sara's)]
Don’t you guys have anything better to do???

“Farewell! thou art too dear for my possessing”
aka
“Kin ah, kin ah, I no money already”

Farewell! thou art too dear for my possessing,
The way mine credit card slashes for thy purchases,
no longer can I bear.
And like enough thou know’st thy estimate:
You’re just too damn high maintenance;
For how do I hold thee but by thy granting?
You love my money not me, can.
The cause of this fair gift in me is wanting,
You checked my bank balance yesterday, issit?
Don’t anyhow say you love me then put your hand in my pocket for my wallet;
You want that kind of boyfriend then look for a SUGAR DADDY,
I’m really not old enough to be eligible for that position.
Thus have I had thee, but only because money was mine then,
In sleep got money, but waking no such matter.

Knowticed is semantically more correct, don’t you think?

Eddicted: Addicted to writing

Ifficiency: Giving your word but performing only if you feel like it.

Chilldren: Tiny tots who give you the shivers.

When confessing to a crush: 
Like a bird on a wire, you set my heart on fire.

When complimenting a goodlooker:
Like a fly in my soup, you catch my eye, much like poop.

When stressed about work:
Study hard study smart study like you want to fart!

This blog is dedicated to my dear bestie who never fails to make me laugh.

TEEHEEHEE.